Scrumping

It's my Grandma's birthday today so I went straight round to see her on my way home from work.

My bro's just gone out and bought a Lotus Elise () and he was already there when I arrived, showing my grandparents the motor.

We all go inside and have a chat and end up talking about the car and where it's safe to park it and things.

My Grandpa turns to me and asks if I heard about the taxi driver. I said I hadn't. Apparently, a taxi driver in our town was attacked and left for dead. A few weeks ago now, a girl was murdered and her car set alight with her body inside. This led my Grandpa to say that the town is, and I'll censor it, 'sh*t.' He clarified, 'well, it's always been sh*t but it was good sh*t and now it's bad sh*t.'

I agree.

He said, 'you know what I mean though, it used to just be things like scrumping.'

In case anybody doesn't know, 'scrumping' is when you go nicking fruit. Mostly apples.

My Grandma pipes up with a story about how my uncle and his mates went scrumping and she ended up with the owner of the fruit farm knocking on her door and accusing her son of nicking apples. She said she first of all tried to deny that it was my uncle, while he was hiding behind the sofa, and then went on to say she hadn't seen any apples, but she was very sorry.

She finished the story by telling us it was too late anyway, cos the apples were already in a pie in the oven.

I wish the town was good sh*t again.