The Mind of a Horror Writer

Today I walked the dog around the fields and lanes at the top of the town where I live.

There was nobody else around at all, and as I was walking through the harvested sweetcorn field, which was looking particularly apocalyptic with buzzards wheeling overhead and calling out to one another, I wondered what I would do if a horde of the undead suddenly came towards me across the field.

I figured I'd take photos. And then probably run.

 

The Beast

I grow my own veg. At the moment I've got parsnips, broccoli and brussel sprouts in my veggie patch. The parsnips have been in for a very long time and the foliage has taken over a lot of the space! They swamped my poor leeks, causing them not to grow. Well, I'm going to blame the parsnips anyway.

I wanted the parsnips for Christmas. Apparently they taste better after a frost, but my mum wanted some for a roast on Sunday. So I went out there to pull some up...

The first one I pulled up was a decent size, the second was deformed with split roots. The third was sitting next to The Beast.

This is the biggest parsnip I've ever seen in my life. And this is coming from someone who's been to shows where they have giant vegetables. I watered the ground to make it soft and then pulled out the little one (which was still pretty big) next to it.

Then I spent a very long time trying to pull up The Beast. I didn't want this thing to break so I had my hands up to my wrists in the ground, covered in wet, cement-like mud. I broke the smaller roots with my fingers, used a trowel to clear some of the earth and then just pulled until the bloody thing came up.

I've been in pain since. But it was worth it. Lookit!

18" long, 14.5" round.

75 Words

I'm a member of the SFF Chronicles website, and every month they run a writing challenge. Tell a story in 75 words or less. There's a set theme and the winner of the month gets to pick the theme for the next month. I won it in August and so picked September's theme of the Seven Deadly Sins.

For now, I'll share my first ever entry which was back in April. The theme was 'visit another world.'  I came second.

The Dilemma

I asked for the world and he gave it. It’s been sitting in its box on the table for two days now. I know he’s expecting something in return. I don’t even like him but what can I do? I could open the box, I suppose. I wonder if I can squeeze inside and escape. Then I don’t have to make any decisions. I’d feel guilty though...

Screw it. It’s not even a nice box.

My plants part 2

Well, I have the memory of a goldfish. I missed out my little split rock plant in my other post! How rude of me. Here it is then. Otherwise known as Pleiospilos Nelii.

These plants like the sun and will rot quickly if watered too much, or if water gets between their cracks. As I found out, as this is my second split rock.

I water it from the bottom so I avoid getting the fleshy leaves wet and this one has lasted quite a while now!

I think it's pretty cool looking.





In other plant news, my polka dot plant (which I thought was just a foliage plant) has flowered! It has pretty little purple flowers on. Lookit!

Writing Contradictions

That's contradicting writing advice, not writing about contradictions...

I've been told my sentences should be longer, then told they should be shorter. My paragraphs are too short. No wait, short paragraphs up the tension. Don't info dump. Do info dump sometimes. Don't start sentences with 'then.' Apart from when you want to.

Don't call your character a silly name. Do call your character a silly name. But don't ever use that name because it doesn't work.

Don't use passive sentences. Except that sometimes they work quite well.

Don't come out of your character's viewpoint... Unless you have to come out of your character's viewpoint. Are you writing in close third person? Narrative? First person? What? It all depends on the POV!

Take that bit out. No wait... put it back in again, I liked it.

Don't use repetition. Apart from here, here and here.

Don't write how you speak! Unless you're writing dialogue. Or first person. Or close third person where the character would talk like you speak...

You need to describe more! But take out this, this and this because it's overly descriptive.

Writing, eh? Easy.

My plants

I love pretty things. And you can't get anything prettier than flowers. (Apart from Ben Barnes. Have you seen him? Super pretty!)

Bromeliad (Guzmania)

I have quite a few house plants, and several plants in the garden that I'm pretty pleased with too. I'll just show off my house plants here though, in case anybody would like one similar and wants to know how to look after it!

The plant on the right is one that I'm particularly pleased with because I grew it from a pup. Yes, a pup. It's a type of bromeliad and these plants grow tiny offsets known as pups. My mother plant sent out a load of these little pups and I set about trying to get a few of them to root. The one of the right did!

When the plant flowers it should look pretty awesome.

Regarding how to look after it, it's pretty easy. Just water into the well in the middle of the plant and make sure it stays filled.

Euphorbia Pentagoba

Next up I have a Euphorbia. I know, looks like a cactus, right? Apparently, it's not. If you break spines off, it oozes sap. This makes it not a cactus. I think.

Treat it like a cactus though. Lots of light, not much water. Mine is twice the size as it was in the picture now, and is sending off a load of babies. I've broken a couple off, so let's see if they'll grow...

Random cactus

Now this one is a cactus. I'm just not sure what sort of cactus. Good though, eh? Again, it's now a fair size.

Haworthia Tortuosa

My Haworthia is pretty new. I got it from a flower show but I can't actually remember which one. I'm now sure if it's classed as a cactus or a succulent. But it's pretty cool. Again, nice light, little water. It's tiny at the mo, but when it gets big it should look awesome.

Now, I know I said 'pretty flowers' and so far it's been all green. But the next lot are pretty.

Paphiopedilum (Slipper orchid)

 This one on the right is a slipper orchid. 'Slipper' because of the big pouch on the front of the flower. My brother thinks it looks like a bum. I prefer Triffid. The roots on this one go into the ground, unlike the orchids which grow on trees - the moth orchids etc.

No direct sunlight for this one, and let it dry out between waterings.

More orchids next, my moth orchids. Or 'phals' as they're called. Which is short for phalaenopsis. More light than the paph, but same with the water. I feed them with orchid food every now and then. Once they've finished flowering, cut off the spikes and wait for them to go again! They flower for months and months.

My other flower plants are the African violets. They also flower for ages! I got the purple and white one for my birthday and that was back in May. It's not stopped flowering yet. These like the light, and they also like to be watered, but make sure not to water from the top or they'll rot! Just a bit of water in the bottom of the pot until its sucked it all up is fine. They don't need to be soaking wet, so probably just water once a week. I feed mine too. Plant food, that is. I don't sit them down to meals or anything.

My last plant is a polka dot plant (below). Just lots of cool coloured leaves. They come in different colours I think, but I like my green and pink one. I'm not quite sure how to care for it, other than stick it in the window and water it every now and then. Mine has gone leggy, so I think it might have too much light. Or I should prune it or something. Anyway, it's not dead yet!

Hypoestes (Polka dot)

So that's all of them. I think. There's a peace lily too which belongs to my mum. But I water the bloody thing. What I really want is a bat plant... Go google it!

The West Country: Chard

Chard is a crappy town in Somerset. It's where I live. The shops here suck. The town centre is horrendously depressing.

But I'm allowed to say that. If anybody outside of Chard says it, you'll get a smack.

There are some nice places. The reservoir, for example, is very pretty. Nice bit of woodland, some meadows, some streams, the reservoir itself.

Plus Beau loves it there, which is good.

Then there's Forde Abbey. Which is really nice and again, dogs are allowed.

The abbey is really nice inside and the gardens are pretty. Plus there's a tearoom where you can get a proper cream tea. Yum.

If you visit their website, they usually do some sort of offer on the admission price.

Castle Neroche. Not in Chard, but pretty close. Great for dogs! There's also no castle there, but there used to be, though I've been there plenty of times and I've no idea where the castle was supposed to have been.

It's also quite easy to get lost wandering about!

Ferne Animal Sanctuary. Has animals. Including the cool pig on the left.

What more do you want?!