Stuff... and that.

I feel like I should be writing. I've had Beau, the pup, for just over a week now. I'm existing on very little sleep. My life revolves around when the pup sleeps. When he sleeps I can get things done.

He's sleeping now.

And I'm not doing anything productive. My head's got that 'writer' thing going on. I can feel it. Half formed sentences and ideas keep drifting into my brain and then drifting out again. I should be working on my third novel. Or a short story. Or a poem even. I should be submitting stories to magazines or chasing things already submitted. I should be doing something.

I'm listening to the radio and getting distracted by songs that aren't even very good. I'm dancing as there's nobody home.

It's possible that I've gone a bit mad.

In other news, I went to Hampton Court Palace flower show on Sunday and someone stole my camera. I hope they're very happy with it.

Actually, I hope they take a self portrait and the camera steals their soul.

Designer Dogs

First off, and nothing at all to do with anything I'm about to say, there's an alarm going off outside and it's making me very irritable. Grr.

*ahem*

So, after wanting and debating over whether or not to get a puppy for a long time, I'm now getting a designer dog. I had wanted a greyhound, a lurcher, or a whippet. Something that likes walking, but will be lazy in the house and sprawl out and go to sleep. Perfect. But then I kept noticing adverts for 'Jackapoos,' that's a Jack Russell crossed with a poodle. They're also known as Jackadoodles, but people seem to like naming these breeds to have the word 'poo' in them, for whatever reason. (Jackapoo, cavapoo, cockapoo etc.)

I thought these pups looked too cute. And I found a litter close to where I live. This wasn't a quick decision, I'd been pondering this for a long, long time, but when I saw the pups I fell in love. Even then, when I got home I was umming and aahing over whether or not to get a dog at all.

The Jackapoo isn't a breed. Not really. It's a crossbreed. But, now that there's a word for it - 'designer dogs,' people can charge a lot of money for these non-breeds. Which I think is wrong. My pup (which I'm bringing home soon) was the cheapest in the litter because he was black and the others were brown (chocolate). You might think that's puppy racism, but apparently chocolate is just more desirable. Anyway, that's not the reason I chose him. I chose him because he was the prettiest. And obviously, that's the best reason for choosing anything, right? Boyfriends etc... (I jest!)

It's the designer dog label that irritates me a little. My puppy is a crossbreed. I don't mind that. My last dog was a crossbreed, a Jack Russell crossed with a spaniel (perhaps she should've been a Janiel, or a Sprussel?!) But now, people are breeding any two dogs together, giving them a silly name (labradoodle?!) and calling them 'designer' so that they can charge a lot of money.

Do you know what the worst one is?

Puggle.

I'm pretty sure that's a cross between a pug, and a muggle. Which is bestiality, surely? 

Praha

So for the past few days I've been in the Czech Republic on holiday with my mum. I've always wanted to go to Prague - it looked gothicky and old and medieval and I love all that stuff. Plus, there's a town nearby called Kutna Hora and well... I'll talk about that later.

It was my mum's 50th birthday on the Wednesday (but shh, don't tell anyone!) and we wanted to do something special for it. Being in a foreign country for your birthday is pretty special so there we were.

We stayed in a 'botel.' That's a boat... hotel, geddit? It was called the Botel Racek (left) and when we first booked the holiday we thought 'a boat? Cool!' After reading the reviews about the boat, mostly bad, we were rather less enthused. The rooms looked tiny, people had complained that the food was bad, that the staff were unfriendly, that it was too far from the centre of the city...

 

I try to be optimistic. I was thinking it couldn't possibly be as bad as people were making out.  When we got there, we saw that it kinda was as bad as we had heard. The staff were very friendly and helpful, apart from the guy who checked us in who, for some reason, thought we hadn't paid and wanted 28 euros a night up front. Um... no, mister! We asked for a non-smoking room which, luckily, had a river view. So that was nice. But the beds were tiny, I have no idea how anybody bigger than me coped in those rooms, and I'm 5'4 and a size 6. The beds were also rock hard and had one super soft pillow. A pillow which needed to be folded at least four times before your head would stop sinking through it. The bathroom stank. It smelled like a very large, very wet dog had crawled in there and died. And it was tiny. The toilet was inches from the door, the sink and shower also. The photo on the right was taken from outside the bathroom.

It also happened to be several miles from the centre of Prague. And we walked it almost every day (I say almost, there was one day when I had heels on and refused to walk any farther, so we let the Czech taxi drivers rip us off and drive us back.) On the plus side, I'm way fitter than I thought I was. We probably walked around five miles a day and not once was I out of breath or had aching legs. Aching feet, yes, but my legs were fine.

I would like to talk about the toilets in Prague. Toilet paper in the Czech Republic is grey. A bit like cardboard. Also, like cardboard, it's pretty rough. But hey, it's better than nothing, right? Toilet doors rarely seem to have locks on them either, which makes visiting the bathroom a pretty nerve racking experience. I need to pee, but what do I do? Do I wait? Do I hope we find another loo soon? Do I sit with one leg outstretched to keep the door shut? Do I ask someone to stand guard? (Someone did once, a nice English lady who now lived in New Zealand.)

Speaking of the English, we seem to end up doing similar things on holiday. If you see someone doing the same as you, they're probably English. We went into Debenhams (yes, not very Czech, I know) to use the loo (go when you can, seriously!) and after finding the loos after a while, discovered that it cost 10 crowns to go. I went and peered at the door and the sign saying how to pay, then I backed off. As I was hovering around I saw two older women go and do the same. Clearly, they had as much idea of how to work it as I did and I figured they were English. I had another look as they retreated and after finding a 10 coin in my purse, I unlocked the bathroom. I called the ladies back as there was more than one toilet in there. Why one person has to pay, yet there is more than one toilet in the room is beyond me, but there you go. As we left the bathroom we held the door open for another English lady. I'm just nice like that.

I'm talking about toilets too much aren't I? Sorry.

So, Prague. We had several excursions. A couple of city tours and two trips out of the city, one to Karlovy Vary and one to Kutna Hora. Kutna Hora has an Ossuary, a 'bone church.' Basically, this was my reason for wanting to visit the Czech Republic. Decorations made from the remains of 40,000 humans? Awesome. All the bones were from people who died naturally, apart from some skulls you can see in glass cases, which were from soldiers - you can see the wounds to their heads.

I loved it. Apparently, not to everybody's liking though. Strange that.


Finally, I'll talk about the shops. Mostly, they sell crap. Touristy crap. Just like Seaton (a seaside town near to where I live). Some sell interesting things and I suppose the farther away from the tourist centre you go, the less crap gets sold. Makes sense. In one shop, where I'd just gone to buy a present for my friend back home who was kindly looking after my plants for me, I had one of the sales guys telling me about how Absinth is like Viagara. Then he kept winking at me. And then, after I'd bought my gift, he asked me to come back later. Of course I said yes and of course I never went back. What, do you think I'm crazy?!

I'll finish with a picture of me on holiday, to prove I was there.

Death at a Funeral

I'm talking about the film here, not something that's actually happened to me. Although I have been to a funeral where somebody was dead.

Anyway, I saw the trailer for the 2010 film (or as the Americans say 'movie') on the tellybox a while ago. My first thought was 'Yay, James Marsden!' The bloke who is the highlight of 'Enchanted.' Because the dude looks so pretty dressed as a prince.


My second thought was 'ooh, James Marsden gets nekkid in this film!' Because... well, who doesn't want to see that?

(Weirdly, James Marsden in leather à la Cyclops in X Men does nothing for me...)




So, I'm looking for information about the film and come across an interview with Chris Rock. That funny fella. He plays the lead in the film. I read what he has to say for himself and find out that this film is actually a remake. And that the original film was British.

Now, why do Americans have to make an American version of British stuff? Seriously? I don't get it. I can only think of one instance where there's been a British remake of an American show. And it wasn't actually a remake. It was a spoof. And that was on SMTV. Yes, I'm talking about Ant and Dec's version of Friends: 'Chums.' And as far as I'm concerned, that was a thousand times better than Friends.

I digress. I can't really even remember what I was getting at now.

Where was I? James Marsden, pretty, American remakes, Chris Rock... Oh yeah. I'm reading Chris Rock's comments on the original film and he's making it sound pretty terrible. I'm thinking it's got to be an old film. From the 50s or earlier. So I look it up on IMDB, just because I'm nosy like that.

2007. That's when the original 'Death at a Funeral' was released. 2007. That's a mere three years ago.
Hmm.

I read the cast list. And I see Alan Tudyk's name. I love Alan Tudyk. I adore Alpha and who doesn't love Steve the Pirate? Wat from A Knight's Tale anyone? The dude is just awesome. I watched Serenity for the second time recently. "I am a leaf on the wind..." *blubs*

So I have to watch the original version now. So today I did.

And it was fricking funny!! I rarely laugh out loud at films (though Run, Fatboy, Run got me the other day) but this film had me laughing so much that my brother stops what he's doing to ask me what the hell I was watching.

I realise while I'm watching the film that James Marsden has the Alan Tudyk role. The guy who gets accidentally drugged. He even has Alan's 'massive hands' line in the trailer. Now, I'm sorry, James, you're so pretty but Alan Tudyk is like some sort of actor-genius there's no way you'll play the part better than him. And now I can't watch the 2010 version. Sorry, Chris Rock, your film can't compete with this:

Exeter Comic Expo 2010

I was a guest at the Exeter Comic Expo yesterday, had my own little table where I could sell my books from. I'd not done anything like this before so it was a learning experience more than anything, but I did sell some books at least!

I set everything up and then got chatting to the guy on the next table to me who was an artist. I thought he looked vaguely familiar but couldn't place him and it turns out I used to go to school with him! Not seen him in over ten years. He was there selling some of his art prints, I remember that he was always drawing at school. At the end I swapped him a copy of my book for one of his Spiderman prints and we both signed each others work.

As for the actual event it was really busy in the morning, then not a lot went on in the afternoon. I had a few people stop and ask me questions but everybody was there for the comics and art. A few people took the freebies I was offering (postcards/bookmarks) and a guy came up and was asking me about writing as he said he wrote short stories and that.

I will be doing more of these events, hopefully, and my next one will be in Bristol in May. I think I'll make my table look more exciting next time to entice people over!

Just a couple of pics from the event. Darth Vader and my table of books.

The Field of Birds

This amazes me every single day. On my way to work I pass a field which is absolutely full of buzzards. Imagine a field full of sheep... then in your mind replace those sheep with buzzards. They just sit there! I have no idea why or what they're doing.

I tried to count them today as I passed, but they stretch well into the distance in this field. You'll see them sitting in trees along the road also, or on top of the telegraph poles.

In case you're having difficulty picturing this, here is an artist's extremely accurate representation:

Very bad grammar

I get a catalogue called Very. It used to be Littlewoods... I've no idea why they changed it. Anyway, my new catalogue came out the other day and just look. I feel like writing them a letter...

Dear Very,


Please could you explain to me what your extra apostrophe on the front cover of the new Spring/Summer 2010 catalogue is for? I thought maybe it was part of a prize. A 'spot the apostrophe' sort of thing. If so, have I won? I'd like the purple shoes on page 261 if I'm allowed to choose my prize. Thanks. 

If it's not part of a competition though, you should perhaps think about sacking your editor. I feel disinclined to purchase from your poorly constructed catalogue. After all, if this is what you do to your catalogue, what state are the clothes in? I don't want to buy anything with extra buttons. Buttons irritate me.


Yours faithfully,


Em.

On an entirely unrelated note, I had a dream last night that Dermot O'Leary was trying to kill me.