Tuesday, 27 July 2010

In the words of Samwise Gamgee: Get off the road!

Seriously, tractors, bikes, horses, cows, chicken chasers... Basically anything slower than me, should get the hell off the road. I'm trying to drive here, people!

I drive a Rover. As anybody who drives a Rover will know, we lack the ability to accelerate. Therefore, unless we have a long run up, overtaking is difficult. I do not appreciate being stuck behind something slow moving because I can't put my foot down to get past it.

I need a sign in the back of my car. "Warning: no acceleration." I swear people think I'm driving slowly on purpose. You should see the looks I get.

The looks I get when driving through a couple of my local towns when I'm playing my music loudly is also worth a mention. Because they're great. The look of total confusion on the people's faces when they hear the 1950s version of 'In da club,' or the 1920s version of 'sex bomb' or even the operatic thrash metal of Diablo Swing Orchestra, or the good old fashioned classical Waltz played extremely loudly, is hilarious. 

What is this? No R&B? No drum and bass? No dance music or cheesy pop? I can hear... what's that? Violins? Washboards?! An accordion??

I once got out of my car and had a guy ask me for a light. When I said I didn't have one, he called me a liar. "You can't listen to music like that and not have a light."

I'm not quite sure what he was getting at.

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